So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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