3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
