well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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