Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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