why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You ruined the universe
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
