Will you blow on my dice?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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