i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
