Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
