I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
