Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
