my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize