for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
