I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
