sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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