So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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