i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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