Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
