I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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