Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
