I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
