Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
