just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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