masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
