Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
