Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
