So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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