jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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