You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
