I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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