dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
