i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
