Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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