My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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