Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize