wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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