wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
