I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took my balls.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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