Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
