We won't sleep together?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
