If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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