so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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