I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
