giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Randomize
