O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
