It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
