respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
