Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
