john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
