its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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