he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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