Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Randomize
