I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
