my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
