one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
