you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
