Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
