i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
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Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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