you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
