I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
