Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
