A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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