I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
