okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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