I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
