wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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