I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize