Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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