Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
