I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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