what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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