2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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