Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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