I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
