I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
