somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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