i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
