I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
