what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
