I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
