I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
