he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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