I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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