the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
