remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
