then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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