I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize