I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
