I'm gonna have a badass scar
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
