Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
