Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
