Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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