every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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